Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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