I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
