We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
