so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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