ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
