Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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