I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
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She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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