We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
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