All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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