By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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