So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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