he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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