atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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