I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
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