just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
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So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
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My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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