are you still at the devil's house?
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
