Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
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