if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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