she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
