He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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