i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
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