Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Then you guys just all showered together...?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
