I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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