Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I just had sex on a roof
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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