I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
