I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
