Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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