What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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