just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
