Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
