i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
