dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
