The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
