Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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