I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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