Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
