Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
