I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Randomize
