Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Randomize
