I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
