Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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