Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize