even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
