Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
