i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
You don't make any sense
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