Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
