her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
