look no pants
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
