well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
