We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
