I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
