Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
