i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
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Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
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Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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