if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
