My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
