Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
