At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize