I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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