People in love make me want to vomit
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
