At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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