Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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