i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
