I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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