Im at strip club and am horny
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
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