The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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