If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
