I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
