Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Randomize
