so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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