my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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