Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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