Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Princesses don't give blow jobs
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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