just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
