Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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