i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
