carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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