dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
