my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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