Where are you?
In a non slutty way
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
