Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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