stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
